First week of LT!

I'm at LT. I'm also still adjusting to that because its a big difference to what I've been used to. But I think I'm in love with this place, these people, this opportunity we have to dedicate a summer to our Lord, God.

I don't even know where to start. I'm sitting here in the room with my nose running a marathon (friggin weather, dude) and I'm blogging so I can hopefully blog again tomorrow. I just feel like I want to take a little time to update this blog so I can remember what the first week of LT was like. My mind is just reeling though after another edifying talk with my project group leader.

I was anxious the last time I talked about LT which is totally like me because I am not one to welcome a change like this nor am I one to get comfortable with something I'm totally unfamiliar with. But I have totally changed my mind about not wanting to come or to be here. This place and this opportunity is such a blessing. I've been super convicted and challenged to use this summer to get my act together and grow up. Already its been a super encouraging experience. I think I'll talk more about that tomorrow or tuesday though

here I want to put out my summer goals

1. Grow up. As vague as that is I want to grow up. I had never had a real job until LT. I had never been this far away from home. I just want to come home changed in a lot of ways but in one particular way I want to be seen as more grown up because I feel like I could have more influence that way. I also can't just throw out my "I'm a freshman boy" excuse anymore.

2. Dive into the word. I want to read the whole bible this summer. NT and then OT. I know that a dry quick read isn't going to help me all that much but my bible map is so lacking and my knowledge of Christ's word is so inferior to what I want it to be. I want to read it this summer so that I can work the rest of my life in more of a intense study and mapping of the word as I live and grow in Christ. To live and to love like him I believe I have to read and to learn his word. To study and put into practice what he said and what he says.

3. Pray/devo/worship. I want to have a one to God (which is a one to one but with God) relationship with our Lord. I want to talk to him. I want to listen to him. I want to give him the reigns. I want to devote everything I do to him. I want to be able to hear him. I want to experience the gifts of the Spirit. I want to worship with my voice and my instrument. I want to get good enough to lead worship next semester. Even if its just playing around campus or something. This is vague too but I really just want to Love God.

4. Evangelize. I want to become an adequate evangelize-r. I want to be better than adequate. I want to be comfortable sharing my faith with everyone. Why do I have to worry about earning the trust? He earned it when He died on the cross!!

I think these are reasonable. I think I can accomplish them. I think I will have  a great experience working towards these goals this summer in this awesome community. I'll blog more about LT and the people here tomorrow I believe.

Its late. I'm leaving.

"Oh yea I'll keep up with my blog deal. I'll post all the time."
I failed.

Anyways since my last initial post a ton has happened. (A whole year of college, oops) But in five days I'm gonna say goodbye to my home, my hometown, my home county, my home state, for 11 weeks. Longer than I've been gone from Missouri in my whole life. I"m not scared. I'm worried.

Its summer. I should relax and recoop for next semester right? A trip to the mountains will be perfect for that right? Well..yea it is. This summer is gonna be awesome. LT is gonna be as great for me as it is for everyone else I know that has gone and gone again.

LT. Leadership Training aka Lots of Tears, Lots of Trials, Long and Tiring. Its so I can grow in my walk with God and I'm stoked for that. Its so I can lead people to Christ. Its so I can affect more people around me on a college campus. I'm so excited for all of that. Seriously I think its a talent that I've been given (selling things, convincing people) I think if I could refine myself a little bit I could be a stud leader. Thing is, what am I gonna be giving up by leaving home for so long?

The saying FOMO is one of the most annoying things to me ever but that might be because of where I got it. But really the fear of missing out is crazy in my head right now.

Right this second I'm sitting on my bed at my Grammy and Papa Gene's. I spent the week with them this week because it is the only week I'll be home and able to see them this year (they're gone to Florida for the cold months) and quite frankly it could be the last summer I have my Papa Gene. That could be so real. If I had to leave Colorado for something like that I wouldn't go back. I just don't think I could.
I'm leaving for Salem tomorrow afternoon and I've got a few meet-ups I'm supposed to make. Everyone is getting home from their first years of college and we all wanna hook up with our old buddies. People I'm still really close to. These next few days are all I've got with em too. That stinks. Heck and when I get back I'm gonna be different (thats the point right?) and so will they. I've watched a lot of my friends change a ton after their first years at college and a lot of it hasn't been any fun to watch at all. Point is, now that I think about it, my closest friends are gonna be here. The ones I actually trust and that actually know me are all gonna be here.

Some of em are dickin it up too. I wanna be playin tennis everyday with Arthur. Getting burnt to a crisp and talking about stupid girls. I wanna be around that friggin kid so he doesn't get himself killed. I wanna watch weird movies with him and Jon every weekend so I know whats up with em and know they're alright. I guess I just want my buddies back.
And that dang girl. I'll get over it all I guess. Stupid L-Bomb.

What else am I skippin out on? Church softball. My church in general. I don't get to go there enough as it is. Basketball with the old guys. I wanna be able to play with them every single Tuesday.

Family. I miss my brothers. Jack is gonna be a Junior. Quarterback on the football team. Maybe play some Varsity ball. Track star. Idiot guy in highschool like his brother. I get to miss some more of that. Gabey rockin out all summer with his bands and groups. He'll prolly get taller than me by the end of it too. I can't play tennis with him this summer either. I hope my dad can take em out to Estes. The old man is getting old. I just hope the summer goes well for my Dad. I hope he has enough help around the house. I hope he takes care of himself. I hope he gets to grill. I hope the dang garden does ok. I just want him happy. I hope they're all happy. I hope mom's stupid case gets figured out. I hope her and Dave can stay together through everything. I hope her finals went ok. I don't wanna miss them. I don't wanna miss out.

I'm so stressed out about all this stuff. I never stress. Stress is so bad for you. Kills you. I'm not even enrolled in college right now. Friggin being broke sucks. I need to tell my dad. Get something figured out. I'll be in Columbia just bein a bum around campus if I don't. That's terrifying. Way to go, Idiot. Way to screw up what you had going for you. AHHHHHHHHH!

I'm not gonna be ok till I'm in Colorado. This anxiety junk is for the birds. But not gonna lie to myself right here, I do not wanna go.

I don't wanna meet a ton of new people. I don't wanna be one of the new guys. I don't wanna go out of my comfort zone. I don't wanna be out there in the cold summer of Estes Park. I don't wanna have my first real job. I don't wanna go with four of my closest college buddies to a crucible for Christ where we're gonna build relationships that will probably last our whole lives. I don't want change.

But why? What the heck is wrong with all that good stuff? Maybe I'm just freaked out. Maybe I'm just tired.

I'mma try to keep this thing a little more consistent this summer. If I ever put this out there for other people to read I'll put up some LT updates. Whats going on and everything.

guess that God book I've been reading in the bathroom this week is kinda awesome. Sorrows lasting in the night but Joy comes in the morning. Theres no way all of this is coincidence.